It doesn’t matter how much I advance in life, how many new perspectives I gain, or how much I understand the importance of gratitude. When I get angry, all of that goes down the tubes. It’s like I step back in time and lose all conscious processing. My body shakes with rage and I become an animal. Everybody in my way becomes a target for my aggression, and if something bothers me, I want to explode in fury.
I used to say I inherited the “angry gene” from my dad. Sure, it’s very possible that I have a predisposition for a short temper. But whether I allow that trigger to control my life is entirely up to me. It’s my responsibility. Not my father’s or God’s. Mine. And if it goes off and I hurt somebody with my words or actions? Well, that’s my responsibility, too.
It’s always on me. Nobody else.
So, I understand this. But what’s stopping me from actually remembering it in the moment? I’ve decided I have to attack this problem at the source. I can no longer ignore it and pretend that it’ll go away. I have to get scientific about how I’m going to be less angry. I’ve decided that from here on out, I will reflect on my anger every night. I will think about every occasion I got angry that day and why I got angry. On a subconscious level.
Maybe this process will help me learn more about myself so I can stop allowing my subconscious ticks to ruin my days. I can take back control and responsibility of my life. This is how I’m going to do it.