Peace in Small Matters

Life has been hectic lately. Camille is moving out of her apartment, and that whole ordeal came with a lot of stressful breakdowns and challenging conversations. Track hasn’t been going as planned, so I’m having to work extra hard to get to where I want to be. School isn’t terribly busy yet, but it’ll get busy in a matter of weeks. Life is moving fast. That’s why I’ve been slowing down to savor the mundane.

Cooking and washing dishes are two of my favorite activities. I love trying new meals, blending flavors, and feeling the gratitude of each bite that I helped to create. Practical things like learning how to cook with spaghetti squash (and no red sauce) as well as what to eat with shrimp make me excited. And then, when the kitchen is messy, I like manifesting order out of chaos and clean every dish with soapy fervor, setting each in its rightful place on the drying rack.

I find tremendous joy in these simple matters. Slowing down to feel the suds pass through my fingers and the steam rise up my forearm turn me into a poet. They bring me peace in hectic times, and they will always be there for me when I want to experience them. Whenever I worry about school or fear running a race, I can place myself in the moment and scrub: cups first, then forks and knives, then the big stuff…slow and orderly — make it last.

Make it last.

Going All In

My senior track season hasn’t been off to the start I hoped. I’ve been doing all the training, hitting all the times, eating right, getting enough sleep, and doing extra stretching, but it’s not working. I’m once again running times I ran in high school. What’s worse, if I ran a fast time right now I would be surprised, when fast times are supposed to be expected.

There’s good news to all this: I’ve been training since May (May of 2016, to be more accurate). I’m in great shape. I have a tremendous body of work under my feet, and that’s not going away any time soon. I just need some fine tuning, some speed work, some extra drills, some hardening of my body and my mind. That means extra hours, extra lifts, extra stretching, the list goes on. That means deep meditations, focussed recovery sessions, and more room for sleep than school work. None of that will come easy.

I’m going to have to start really pushing myself, but pushing without the fear of getting injured or burning out. Those two fears have paralyzed me up to this point in my track career: I don’t want to over work and get hurt again, and I don’t want to overwork and burn out again. With all due respect, fuck that. I’m ready to actually chase my goals, to get my mind right, and to push myself to the brink of exhaustion each day to reach my goals. I’m ready for early mornings and 3 lifts a week. I’m ready to work so hard that those desired times are expected each time I toe the line.

Never a surprise.

What’s the worst case scenario of giving these next three months my absolute best? I get injured or I burn out and I never run another good race. I let my team and myself down. I feel regret for not having done more.

Guess what: I already feel that. If I get injured or burn out because of this pursuit, I can recover in May. Then at least I will know it wasn’t meant to be. There is literally nothing to lose.

This is battle cry. I will not back down. I will fight until the very end. This is all part of the story.

Hoka fucking hey!

Footsteps Overhead

I currently live in the basement of a row home in Philly. Three of my buddies and I rent it, and I live in the basement. Despite the uncontrollable temperature, the washer and dryer turning off my lights every time they’re used, and the slight odor of rotting wood, it’s a nice room. I’ve made it my sanctuary. It can be cozy when I want a safe place and functional when I want to get work done or workout. All in all, I love my room and the peace it brings to my life.

But the first floor is hardwood, and the basement has a drop ceiling. I can hear every footstep. Each. And. Every. Footstep. I’m woken up each night and each morning by stomping feet, and though I politely ask for people to walk softly, they forget. Everybody always forgets to pay attention to their footsteps.

The way I see it, I only have a few options moving forward. (a) I could storm up the steps each time I am awoken, causing my roommates to resent me, (b) I could do nothing and risk the daily wakes ups, or (c) I could buy some earplugs and take control of my own life.

Anybody know a good brand of earplugs?

How to Start Something

  1. Remember all the things you’ve tried before (like blogging every day).
  2. Take stock of which pursuits were successful in the moment and which were successful after some time.
  3. Next, note the failures and your shortcomings. See if they have, in fact, made you a more well rounded individual, more robust in your knowledge.
  4. Now forget all that. These past outcome, whether positive or negative, have no say on your destiny.
  5. Time to get creative. Think of something new you can try, something that will challenge you and push you to become better than you are currently. This thing can be less ambitious than previous initiatives or just as ambitious (such as blogging every day, only this time not worrying if any single day has been missed). Past attempts ought to hold no significance over any future endeavors, though it would be foolish to not embrace your newfound, innate wisdom.
  6. Make a list of what you ought to do to fulfill this task. Perhaps a checklist, maybe an intention. Either way, there should be some means to identify your success.
  7. Make a commitment to yourself, a pact to do your best to uphold your end of the bargain into the foreseeable future. If desirable, create an end date for this new practice. Leave it open-ended if you’re more easy going.
  8. Do your best.
  9. Forgive yourself when you slip up.
  10. Continue until you’re done. You’ll know when the time has come.
  11. Repeat this process, paying special attention to number 4.
  12. Embrace your childhood wonder, that ambition present deep within your being. Hold it close and become it’s ally. Together, you will accomplish many great feats.

The Richest Chocolate in the World

As Camille and I walked through town this afternoon, we came across a French bakery. Fluffy croissants and muffins enlivened the display window and espresso beans filled the air. We heard this place had desserts as well, so we poked around until we found the counter in the back of the store. Elegant macaroons, cakes, and chocolate boxes filled the shelves. The chocolates were calling to us.

We asked the woman behind the counter if she could show us the chocolates closer. She picked a box from the display and opened it, unveiling nine perfectly arranged chocolates of different shapes and flavors. But if we wanted one, we had to buy the entire box.

“How much for the box?” I questioned.

“Twenty six dollars and fifty cents,” she responded promptly.

“Okay, I’ll take one. It must be worth the price.”

There Camille and I sat, eating each decadent chocolate as if it were the first time and last time we would ever try it. Every bite was savored, each flavor experienced. We saved four pieces for a rainy day—a day when we’ll need to be reminded of wha the good life tastes like.

We left the French eatery satisfied at our chocolate excursion, grateful for the opportunity of encountering these special treats.

—————————

You’re postulations are correct. This story is a lie. Camille and I did walk into a French bakery in town today, and we did explore the rich box of chocolates. But we didn’t buy it. How could anybody justify spending $26.50 on chocolate on a regular Sunday afternoon? I love chocolate. I could eat a dark chocolate bar a day and never get sick of it. In fact, last week I bought three chocolate bars on sale for only $2.61 and ate them in three days.

And guess what? Those were my three best days in recent memory. I was in love with myself and the chocolate as I respectfully devoured it. I was filled with joy and peace and a sense of completeness. Nothing mattered in the moments of my chocolate indulgence. The only available emotion was love. And each bar was worth 87 cents.

The richest chocolate in the world is the chocolate you slow down for and make the time to savor. Don’t fall into the expensive trap (that is, if it’s expensive it must taster better and, therefore, should be savored). You make chocolate decadent by experiencing it fully. If you never slow down to taste it, there’s never any difference between quality and experience. You’re just overpaying for a Hershey’s bar.

The richest chocolate in the world is the chocolate you slow down for and make the time to savor. Trust me, that Trader Joe’s dark chocolate peanut butter cup would have made Jesus cry tears of joy.

Be Aggressive in Pursuit of Greatness

We’re on our way back from the Nittany Lion Challenge at Penn State. I ran the 400 and a 4×400. In both races, I ran well but I wasn’t aggressive enough. My mindset was right, I was prepared for both races, but I just didn’t bring the right amount of do-or-die energy. I was soft in my execution and not strong enough in my race demeanor.

I ran okay, but could have raced better. There needs to be a different approach to my future races, one where I ferociously compete and rule out the possibility of loosing. If I ran harder out of the gate, i would’ve been in the race. I would’ve been pulled through, would have ran a faster time, and might not have lost.

Balancing the triviality of running around an oval with the fierceness that can only come from a passion to destroy others and be victorious is a difficult task that I’ve yet to master. It’s a strange thing: trying to act like running doesn’t matter so that I don’t get anxious while recognizing that I need to make it matter to be any good at it. I don’t know if I ever will. But I can try. And try again. And try until my very last race.

But I’ve made a decision. Next race, I’m going to run as if my life depends on it. Period.

Wisdom Book: January 10, 2020

For those who missed last week’s post: Basically, my Wisdom Book is where I write down a list of things I learned that past week each Friday.  I then flesh out the list to really get to the core of what I learned. This list is what I use to record my weekly podcast episode of It’s All Mahalo with Camille, my girlfriend. Here’s my list for what I learned this week.

January 10, 2020

Light Shines in the Darkness…

And darkness has not overcome it.  Fr. Ruff, whom I work with on campus to produce his podcast, Ruffly Speaking, says that this one verse in the beginning of John all but sums up the entire New Testament.  Light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not overcome it.  At mass this past Sunday, Fr. Francesco said that light isn’t important, but the service the light provides is important: to show us what’s right in front of us.  To show us the truth of who we are.  Aubrey Marcus opened my eyes to see that if God was a color, God would probably be black because black contains all colors.  So if light, which is Jesus, shines in the darkness, we can see God, who is Truth.  I’ve started to appreciate light a little more.

How to Love Myself

Aubrey Marcus Podcast #239 How to Practice Self Love with Kamal Ravikantwas one of the most meaningful and practical podcasts I’ve ever heard.  During the episode, Kamal shared wisdom he gained from embarking on a journey of loving himself after a difficult stretch in his life.  He came up with a formula which he shared during this podcast and in his recent re-released book, Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends on It. I’ve been listening to this book and am blown away at every chapter.  It’s worth the purchase.  I’m going to begin implementing the following practice into my daily rituals.

Basically, there’s four steps to living yourself:

  1. 10 Breath Mental Loop: Say “I love Myself” on the inhale and exhale whatever comes, be it good or bad.  Do this whenever you remember.  Say “I love Myself” throughout the day as many times as possible.  Soon, you’ll begin to remember it’s actually true.
  2. Meditate: choose a song, preferably a piece of instrumental music.  Sit in a quiet place and do the mental loop while listening to the song.  Do this every day.  You will subconsciously begin identifying loving yourself with that song, and it will become an anchor for your meditation practice.
  3. Mirror: Stand in front of the mirror and stare at yourself while repeating the mental loop. Look into your eyes (it helps to focus on one).  Know what it looks like when you’re loving other people by beginning with loving yourself. Do this for 5 minutes.
  4. One Question: when in a moment of distress or before an important decision, ask yourself the following question: “If I loved myself truly and deeply, would I let myself experience this?”  Another rendition is: “If I loved myself, what would I do?”  The key here is the “if” – it allows for possibilities and opportunities instead of regret and shame.

Buy a Stock Pot

I’ve been making bone broth (chicken stock) for a few years now.  Camille and I eat chicken legs and then freeze the bones.  To make bone broth, you need chicken bones and a while chicken, along with some veggies.  In the past I’ve had to use two separate pots to make all the bone broth. That was tedious and more expensive. So I decided to buy a real stock pot – a 16 quart stock pot.  It wasn’t too expensive ($25) but the purchase was justified because of the use I’ll get out of it in my life.  I’m going to put a lot of miles (or quarts) on that stock pot.  And I can’t wait for it.  I’ll make a purchase if it will bring me joy for a long time.  That’s the commitment I decided to make to myself this year.

Creating a Sacred Space

My room is my sanctuary, but it didn’t start like that. It used to be a garage in a row home built in 1925. I can’t imagine what it was before that. It’s been redone 5 times over, and when I moved in the spiders had more real estate than the carpet. But I made a commitment to make the small carpeted off area my safe haven. Now, it’s my favorite room in the house.

Decorated in tapestries and custom artwork and cozied up with Philadelphia sports memorabilia, my room welcomes me home every day. It has some wood furniture and some plastic, a cheap black rug, and enough books to keep me occupied for a decade. It’s draft but well lit, comfortable but many workouts have happened there. Nothing can be seen out of the small marbled window, and airflow is somewhat of an afterthought.

I’ll never fully understand why, but I love my rough and tough room. It makes me feel safe. Like I’m the king of my own kingdom, like I’ve ruled well and my dominion has afforded me a soft bed and secure walls. I am the king of this kingdom. And I always will be.

Until the lease runs out in May.

Chicken Stock

You are the chicken to my broth

and the bones to my stock.

Today we simmer united—

never to be separate again.

One Calendar

I’ve been listening to Zig Ziglar’s Secrets to Closing the Sale on Audible recently. It’s a classic. I can’t begin to unpack all the timeless wisdom encompassed in the book. But there’s one thing that stuck with me, in my soul. Zig said to keep one calendar for every area of your life. That spoke to me, because with my disorganized planner, 5 Apple calendars, and 3 Google calendars, it’s easy to get things mixed up.

So today I drew a January calendar in my notebook (better late than never). And I’m gonna use it. Every day. To the best of my abilities. One calendar for every area of my life. It’s time to bring order to the chaos of my existence.

Thank you, Zig. I hope you’re proud of who I’m becoming.