Moments of Overwhelm

Recently I’ve been having overwhelming moments, but not overwhelming as in “overloaded with work;” rather, I mean overloaded with peace. It’s happened a few times this week. All of a sudden every confusing, frustrating, challenging part of my reality comes to a halt and I once again remember the sages telling me: “just be grateful.” And so I sit in gratitude and peace for this life I’ve been gifted, this life I’m living right now.

I don’t know what I’m doing to deserve moments this joyous—when no anxiety or fear is present. I’m confident I don’t deserve any of this. But it’s happening, and I hope it keeps happening.

I am wishing this peace be with all of you.

Improvise

Tonight in my Perspectives in Leadership class the Improv Team came and lead us through some improv games. We learned how to think differently, how to set people up for success, and how to understand that others probably don’t see situations the way we do. It was an interesting and meaningful tie-in with leadership.

One perspective shared was “life is improv.” This means two things: that we shouldn’t take ourselves too seriously and that we should allow ourselves to fail. I like this perspective. Being serious is a trap. It sucks the joy out of life. Instead, we should play more and be grateful for our falls, scraped knees, and dirty hands. This world is our playground and we should treat it as such (so long as we clean up after ourselves).

In Matthew 18:3, Jesus says: “Truly I say to you, unless you are converted and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven.” And in Luke 17:21, Jesus says: “…nor will they say ‘Look, here it is!’ or ‘There it is!’ For behold, the kingdom of heaven is in your midst.”

So the kingdom of heaven is in my midst. That means it’s here. And I can’t enter the kingdom unless I become like a child—more open, not so serious, and innocent. This means if I become like a child and play more, I can experience the kingdom of heaven here, now.

Time to stop being so serious.

God doesn’t change

I’m in a course titled “Philosophy of God in Aquinas.” We are working through the Summa Contra Gentiles, supposedly written to be a handbook for Catholic missionaries. Slowly but surely, we’re dissecting Aquinas’ claims about the existence of God and, now, the qualities of God. The past few classes, we’ve been talking about the eternality of God.

Eternality is a difficult concept. It doesn’t mean everlasting, which is to have no beginning and no end. And it doesn’t mean atemporal—to exist outside of time. Rather, to be eternal means to have life and experience the fullness of reality at every moment, or something like that. Because each moment is a full expression of existence, there would be no such notion of past or present. Only now. And if there is only now in existence, there can be no change in that being, for change requires time. Therefore, God does not change.

If you didn’t understand that, don’t sweat it. Neither do I.

But let’s pretend for a second we understand that God exists, is eternal, and doesn’t change. If God doesn’t change, then why the hell do we ask God for stuff? Petitionary prayer is old as dirt, and sometimes miracles happen seemingly as a result of specific prayers. But if God won’t change God’s mind, what do the prayers really do? Do they do anything?

Aquinas argues yes, they do matter. They matter because God has always known what you’re going to pray for. God always aligned reality in such a way that your choice to freely pray and petition may change your earthly future. God has, therefore, already designed different worlds—or is currently designing different worlds?—where you get what you ask for and you don’t get what you ask for. Your asking may just make the difference.

I don’t know what I just typed. It doesn’t make much sense yet, but one day it might. I know that I shouldn’t stop praying anytime soon.

Time for Yourself

The root of the word “religion” comes from the word “relationship.” This is why faiths are called religions—because they support you in entering a relationship with the divine, with God. While spirituality on its own is an individual pursuit that lacks a shared vision with others, religion offers you every means necessary (from community to value structures) to convene with the creator. Religion contains spirituality, but not vice versa.

My girlfriend and I have been getting into more arguments than usual lately. We’ve also been spending a lot of time together. Today she pointed out that becasue we’re with each other so much, we don’t have enough opportunities to be with ourselves and grow. She said this lack of personal growth might be leading to a halt in our relationship, inevitably holding us both back.

My relationship with God has changed over time. Sometimes we’re best friends and do everything together. Sometimes we spend too much time together and I grow intellectually and spiritually stagnant. Other times I drift away from God to learn about myself, only to come running back into open arms, ready to rebuild and grow together again.

I love religion, and I love my religion. I love my God and I love my girlfriend. I love myself enough to be alone, to confront the confused and scared man in the mirror.

This is religion at its core. This is the practice faith calls us to.

Laughter

Put yourself in position to laugh. If you treat life too seriously, joy will be hard to find. Love and let live—allow yourself to be the fool capable of inspiring laughter in others and yourself.

Laughter is my favorite medicine.

Cook What You Love

My girlfriend, Camille, and I have become avid dumpling makers. She got me this cookbook titled Japan by Phaidon for Christmas. Though it’s rather intimidating to novice chefs, there’s one recipe on page 279 that is manageable: Suigyoza (boiled pork dumplings). Camille and I have been trying to master it, and we’ve gotten pretty close. Last week we made 30 dumplings at once.

Tonight her family came to town. They’re staying at an Air BnB for the weekend, so we wanted to show them what we’ve been up to. We went over there, made 47 dumplings for the six of us as an appetizer, followed by the best stir fry I’ve ever made. Veggies sautéed in olive and sesame oils, organic tamari soy sauce (you’ll never buy another brand after you try this), and grass fed butter, rice, pork, and shrimp. Wow, was it good.

We love Asian-inspired, eastern style cooking. More than the dishes we prepare, we love sharing the joys of our food medicine with our beloved family, friends, and each other. We are young, but this practice of entertaining and sharing will surely be a staple in our lives for years to come.

I encourage you to find what you love to cook and share it with the world. It’s a tradition that’s been here forever and isn’t going anywhere. Happy cooking 🙂

Starting a Podcast

I’m going to start 2 podcasts in the next month. One will be hosted by a Jesuit on campus and I’ll be helping him run it. I’ll be the Jamie to his Joe Rogan, the inconspicuous tech guy offering timely input…maybe. The next will be a podcast with my girlfriend. We have some meaningful conversations that we’d like to share and we’re ready to begin our first business venture together. Keep your ears peeled.

Podcasts have become so popular because of convenience. I am a busy person. I don’t have time to watch interviews in my day, but I can definitely listen to one while walking to class. A lot of people feel this way. Our culture has changed from radio to television and now back to audio.

Everybody is starting a podcast, so I can I make sure mine will be great? Well, I can’t. But I can put out consistent content, like this blog. I can create a system whereby I add value to the world with the people closest to me. I can’t assure success, but I can count on learning a lot from this process.

Stay tuned, my people.

A Printer with No Ink

It’s happened to all of us. Just when you need it most, the printer runs out of ink. Let’s assume it’s your printer (not your roommate’s). That means it’s up to you to fill it with ink and paper.

But you don’t.

Days go by. Weeks go by. Weeks become months and before you know it that expensive printer has become an expensive paperweight for the better part of a year. You’re going green anyways—it’s better off out of commission. You get free prints at the library anyways.

You end up telling yourself anything and everything that takes you off the hook. Though ordering ink takes 30 seconds, the impetus to action isn’t greater than your crippling passion for taking it easy on yourself. After a year without a functioning printer, you decide to throw it away. Selling it on eBay requires too much learning.

We all have printers without ink in our lives—things that require attention but we’ve been ignoring for no acceptable reason. Maybe instead of trying to change the world with protests and Facebook dissertations we can take responsibility for refilling the ink, accomplishing those menial but necessary tasks.

This week, I will begin taking ownership for the printers in my life.

Will you?

My Angry Side

It doesn’t matter how much I advance in life, how many new perspectives I gain, or how much I understand the importance of gratitude. When I get angry, all of that goes down the tubes. It’s like I step back in time and lose all conscious processing. My body shakes with rage and I become an animal. Everybody in my way becomes a target for my aggression, and if something bothers me, I want to explode in fury.

I used to say I inherited the “angry gene” from my dad. Sure, it’s very possible that I have a predisposition for a short temper. But whether I allow that trigger to control my life is entirely up to me. It’s my responsibility. Not my father’s or God’s. Mine. And if it goes off and I hurt somebody with my words or actions? Well, that’s my responsibility, too.

It’s always on me. Nobody else.

So, I understand this. But what’s stopping me from actually remembering it in the moment? I’ve decided I have to attack this problem at the source. I can no longer ignore it and pretend that it’ll go away. I have to get scientific about how I’m going to be less angry. I’ve decided that from here on out, I will reflect on my anger every night. I will think about every occasion I got angry that day and why I got angry. On a subconscious level.

Maybe this process will help me learn more about myself so I can stop allowing my subconscious ticks to ruin my days. I can take back control and responsibility of my life. This is how I’m going to do it.

Pack Your Lunch

Imagine how your life would change if you packed your lunch from here on out. I don’t mean for a week or a month or a year. I mean until you’re done working. Every day. Sure, you’re allowed a slip up here and there. There are exceptions, but only for extreme circumstances. Ordinarily purchased lunches or snack binges aren’t optional.

A few things would have to start happening. You’d have to start thinking ahead, beginning with your grocery list. You’d have to buy ingredients that are good enough, nourishing enough, and cost effective enough for your own needs. You’d have to be thoughtful, making sure you get enough and vary your meals to assuage boring repetitions.

Next, you’d have to make rules to keep yourself committed, rules like avoiding the room that always has free baked goods. Maybe rules that make you restrain from jumping in that group take-out order. First, premeditate on everything that might get in the way. Then make contingency plans to keep you on course.

Lastly, you’re going to have to get creative. Eating the same thing every day will get boring. You’ll have to mix up foods to get different nutrients. Everything in your lunchbox is predicated on your ability to create new things and make exciting food.

There’s once certainty about this endeavor: you will be better because of it. No doubt about it.