I am From God

On the first day of class, my Anatomy professor told us that whatever affections, feelings, or emotions we’ve ever felt towards another comes from the brain. He assured us the heart doesn’t do anything but pump blood. I was about to ask “what about the soul?” but I wasn’t courageous enough.

But I’ve felt my soul. I’ve felt it in my heart. When I ask it a question, I feel reverberations throughout my chest and my body. It’s where I am. It’s who I am. It is me and I am it.

I believe my soul—and, therefore, myself—is from God. The reason I can’t get a grasp on my soul is the same reason I can’t get a grasp on God. There’s an infinite depth in my being that can only be described by a relation to the divine, to source, to God. My soul will always be with me but I’ll never fully understand it. I believe the same is true with God.

So I don’t give a shit about what an old pharmacist says about Me. He doesn’t know me. I don’t even know me. So good luck trying to understand me, Doc.

Tourist in My Hometown

Today I took my camera and walked down to Fairmount Park, to the Belmont Plateau, and down MLK Drive towards the Art Museum. I shot and created some photographs. More than that, I saw parts of my city I’ve never seen before.

I wonder how much more we’d appreciate our home towns if we treated them like tourists treat them: with open minds and awaiting new experiences.

Dipsie-Doodle

This is from an essay I wrote today. The essay is about Lake George, New York and it was for my American Environmental History class.

I took a bath in Lake George this summer.  After running 5 miles through Silver Bay and its smaller neighbor, Arcady Bay, I celebrated with a well-deserved dipsie-doodle.  This is a term coined by my Uncle Nick, a successful marketing executive, who bought a vacation home on the waters of Lake George in 2000.  The renowned Lemma’s Complete Family Dictionarydefines dipsie-doodle as the following:

dipsie-doodle (noun)

dip•sie doo•dle / ‘dip-sē dü-dᵊl /

Definition of dipsie-doodle (noun):

a brief reconnaissance with spiritual waters of nature—lasting a few moments to fifteen minutes; typically associated with feelings of euphoria, bliss, serenity, and accomplishment.  As many as 10 dipsie-doodles may be taken in a summer day.

Usage of dipsie-doodle (noun):

Nick: “I’ll be right back. I’m going to take a dipsie-doodle!”
Kathleen: “Not without me, you’re not—you stinker!”

And that is a dipsie-doodle.

Uneducate Yourself

My family and I went to eat at a nice Japanese / Chinese restaurant yesterday. The fortune in my fortune cookie read as follows: “only the educated are free.”

Nobody knows who writes these “fortunes.” When they are right, we praise them. When they are wrong, we don’t pay them any mind. Usually. This time was different. I don’t agree with this fortune.

This short statement says a few thing about human nature. The first is that you should “be educated,” whatever that means. The next is that those who aren’t educated are not free. What the author means by education is unknown.

Here’s why I don’t agree. An uneducated person can learn to sit with himself, calm his mind, and meditate on the many observable, sensible mysteries of the world. Through this approach he can free himself from the rat races of the world—he can became free of the trappings of his own mind.

And tell me, who is truly free: an educated man who has learned all there is to learn or an uneducated man who is ready to learn anything?

Birthday Blues

It’s hard being born on the most nefarious day in Anerican history. I was 4 in 2001, too young to grasp what was happening. But I’ve felt the pain of that day every year since then, every time the lady at the Y asks me to confirm my date of birth. I feel the horror of that day in my bones.

In high school I never had a good birthday. They were always ruined with videos of the Towers falling and people jumping to their deaths. One year our soccer team lost to the worst team in the league. My mom brought cupcakes to the benches to celebrate my birthday. My birthday is innocence wrapped in terror.

The past few years I’ve had some really good birthdays. I thought my cold spell was finished, but not quite. I was sick most of the day, battling a fever and nausea. I couldn’t do things I wanted like run or do yoga because I had no energy. I couldn’t even eat my favorite foods because my stomach was in knots. No cake today.

I used to say my birthday was the worst day of the year. Today felt like that, until my family came to visit, have dinner, and cheered me up. I’m glad I can count on people so loving to be my cornerstone.

Gratitude must be my birth star this year. It’s the only way forward.

Victory because of Defeat

Today was another one of those days. I woke up sick, still fighting off a GI bug. Today featured a fever. I’m okay with the concept of having an illness but I’m really not good at letting it run its course. I’m better at acting than allowing myself to recover and heal. It’s something I’ll have to work at.

Usually I find a way to allow my bad day to affect somebody else. This is not a good strategy. It leaves me full of regret and always apologizing for being a jerk. But today was different. I kept my bad day to myself and didn’t hurt anybody. When I realized this, my day instantly got better. No longer was today filled with defeats and pitfalls – it was a day of victory.

We don’t have to suffer defeat in order to be victorious. If we do, it just makes it a lot sweeter.

Weight Room PRs #1

Today was a strange day: the best, most productive two hours of my day were the first two, from about 5:30-7:30 am. We had team lift, and today we tested Hang Clean and Back Squat.

I currently weight around 155 lbs. Here are my results from today:

Hang Clean PR – 245 lbs

Back Squat (tied PR) – 335 lbs

It felt pretty great hitting those numbers. I celebrated with some yoga with a few teammates. Then the rest of my day was pretty mediocre, except for home made dinner with my girlfriend. My energy was zapped after the morning and I’m still recovering from an illness.

But it’s okay. Sometimes all it takes is a couple of hours to be grateful for. That was the case today.

Here’s for another adventure tomorrow.

Jasper the Dog

Sometimes going to a dog adoption center puts everything in perspective.

Today my girlfriend and I went to go pet and walk dogs. We met Jasper. In 30 minutes, I fell in love with Jasper and Jasper fell in love with me. He was a light brown dog, still a puppy. His face was tan and pitbull-esque and his eyes were marbles. He was a good walker and sniffer. He even likes to run a little.

Then, after a magical 30 minutes, we had to get on with our day. After a belly rub and some kisses we said goodbye to Jasper. He cried as we left and so did I. I left full of love and sadness. I am in no place in my life to adopt a dog. I hope Jasper finds a home very soon.

It’s the loving that makes it worth it. What happens after doesn’t matter. The love matters. Jasper may not be mine to keep but he will always be in my heart.

You’re not Sick; You’re Healing

After 2 weeks of being back at school, I came down with a GI bug and a sore throat. It’s temping to give in to the “sick” bug and claim that I am sick. I could be the victim to this illness and allow it to win, altering my identity along the way. The worst part is that everybody would support this choice. They would be okay with me taking a few days off to be sick.

But I choose wellness over illness. See, sickness is a state of mind. So is healing. I am Aaron, and I will not allow a virus or bacteria or parasite to change who I am. I may have an illness, but I am not sick. I am Aaron, and I am healing.

I wasn’t able to do much today. I could’ve taken this opportunity to have people care for me and—to the delight of my subconscious—feel bad for me. Instead I chose to rest, recover, replenish, and heal. I can already feel the illness subsiding. My mind told my body to fight back, and my soul jumped on board. My whole being is winning the fight.

As cold and flu season dawns on us, remember the choice you have: you can choose to be sick or you can choose to be healing. In harmony with belief, this choice will change everything.

Strategic Dreaming

Want to change the world? I don’t know how to do that, but one day I’ll probably have an idea.

Though I don’t yet know my path, I’m sure I’ll need money to learn and have meaningful experiences. So I should work.

And I’m not sure who will be my teammates will be in this game, but there will be some. So I should work on my relationships.

There will be new ideas and perspectives. I should practice opening my mind.

And I know I’ll be spending time with myself. So I better get to know myself now.