“Don’t worry”

Saying this never helps. It’s like saying, “don’t drown,” to a drowning person. At least, that’s what it feels like.

There’s a lot of variations. Somebody might quote the bible or tell a story about their friend. Though they come from care, they’re mostly insufficient.

Here’s my $0.02: don’t tell people to stop worrying. Instead, let them worry. Be by there side as they worry, and soon they will realize that worrying doesn’t help much.

If you get frustrated at somebody who says, “don’t worry,” have empathy for them. They want to help, but they didn’t know any better. They’re not a professional lifeguard; they’re doing their best, just like you.

Patience. Presence. Forgiveness. Empathy. Compassion. Repeat. We’re all doing our best to heal.

Hey Aaron! Be Grateful!

This is a reminder to myself. Now, when I scroll through my blog over the next 80 years, I’ll see this post and remember: Be Grateful.

The older I get the more I hear about gratitude. A lot of smart people say it’s the ultimate human disposition, the pinnacle of human expression. Fr. Brendan Lally, a Jesuit at Saint Joseph’s, says that a grateful heart cannot sin. To “sin” means to fall short of all that you could be. Gratitude helps you align with your fullness.

So future Aaron, if you’re reading this, stop what you’re doing and be grateful. A moment is all it takes. Breathe in. Feel it. Let it go. Let it overcome you. Gratitude in this moment and the moments to come.

Cheers.

Action begets momentum

Starting is the hardest part of every journey. We all know it. Whether the journey is a 10 mile run or applying to graduate school, the greatest barriers exist before the starting line.

These are the greatest barriers, but this doesn’t mean they’re the biggest. They’re the greatest because you have no momentum behind you, no wind at your back.

Imagine standing in front of a 6 foot fence and trying to jump over it. You’ll have to pull and grip and hurl yourself over from a standing start.

Now think of that same jump, but approached with a head of steam. You come in at an angle and use your momentum to carry you over the fence, maybe with a little extra effort.

This is called the high jump, and it’s rarely performed from a standstill. Jumpers always get an approach.

I could provide more examples, but you get the point. You have to start. You have to begin moving, even if it’s small steps. The more you move, the more momentum you build and the easier it is to jump over the hurdles.

Action begets momentum. The obstacles down the road don’t matter unless you overcome the one at the start: the start itself. Once you get moving, you’d be surprised at what you can jump over.

Make it yours

I often find myself wanting to quote others. The education system has made me fearful of plagiarism (rightfully so), so citations are essential. But the system has also made me afraid of thinking for myself. I look outside myself for answers, and generating original ideas (if there is such a thing) isn’t a skill I’m expert at.

Here’s what I realized today: when you say somebody else’s words, that power becomes a part of you. You become one with whatever message those words hold, and you resonate at the same frequency. There’s a unicity of perspective engendered simply by the act of sharing.

IN-Q is my favorite poet, and today I tweeted a verse of his. It’s from his poem Say Yes from his new poetry collection, Inquire Within. It goes like this:

See, everywhere you are is where you’re supposed to be.

So hopefully you’re hopelessly

as lost as me,

’cause if you’re not, you oughta be.

from Say Yes by IN-Q

When I tweeted that, when I shared his words and gave him credit, the message was his but I was the vessel. We brought it to the world together, in mutual agreement. I felt the verse more when I wrote it down and shared it with others.

Don’t be afraid of saying what’s already been said. Everything has been said before, but not by you. You’re unique, and your voice is important. Only you can say it from your perspective.

Only you can make it yours.

Anyone can cook

Disney Pixar’s Ratatouille is one of the best stories of our generation. It’s a story about possibility and pushing the boundaries of what is acceptable, what is normal. In the movie, the great Gusteau’s famous saying was, “Anyone can cook!” This is powerful.

Anyone can cook. My grandmother has always said, “if you can read, you can cook!” But Gusteau simplifies it further. Anyone. No hidden knowledge, no impressive resume, and no prior experience. All one needs is the willingness to create and the courage to learn along the journey.

If a humble rat can cook high French cuisine, then maybe I can do something remarkable with my life, too. But Remy never dreamed of making a difference. All he did was follow his curious nose, a nose which lead him on a path towards unconventional excellence.

I’m going to take a page from Remy’s book: be curious, and don’t worry about what’s to come. Just get obsessed with learning and creating. The rest will work itself out.

Do you believe in the supernatural?

I took a course called Christianity and Evidence this semester. We studied the resurrection of Christ and the evidence surrounding it. We explored whether or not we can accept the bodily resurrection of Jesus as a sound philosophical argument.

Abduction, or Inference to the Best Explanation (IBE) ,was our guiding principle. IBE is a two step process: (1) review all available evidence for a given claim, and (2) choose the simplest hypothesis to explain the evidence.

So let’s talk about Jesus. We talked about many pieces of evidence regarding the empty tomb, that people saw Jesus walk around after he died, and the beliefs of early Christians. To spare summarizing the entire semester in one post, we came to the conclusion that the best hypothesis that fits the IBE is that Jesus rose from the dead bodily.

That sounds silly without giving any context, but I’m summarizing. Anyways, here’s the point. The reality of the resurrection basically comes down to one thing: whether or not you believe supernatural events can occur on earth.

If you believe in the supernatural, then the resurrection really isn’t too far fetched. If you think nothing supernatural could happen, then you would favor even the most complicated hypothesis over resurrection.

It’s a lot to chew on for the end of the semester. But think about it. Do you believe in the supernatural? Or would you rather be comfortable only with what can be explained by natural law and science?

If you want freedom

Get better at liberating. To liberate is to let go of what is no longer serving you. Most people hold onto the things they hate about themselves. But when you release those things, when you express them to another human in some way, they no longer have power over you. This is where true freedom lives.

Bob said it best: “Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our mind.” That’s a rallying cry to take back control of your life through breaking down the prison doors of our minds. Those doors are made of trauma, but they’re made of glass. They shatter if you start to chip away.

If you want freedom, you have to break down walls that cast shadows over your life. Your life will begin when you realize your biggest fear isn’t anything to be afraid of.

Self-efficacy

Alex Bandura’s famous Social Cognitive Theory says that things only get done if you believe you have some control during the situation. You have a problem, you want to fix it, and you believe you can. Bandura refers to this belief in your abilities as self-efficacy.

Self-efficacy is about believing in yourself. It’s important to believe in yourself, to think that you’re capable. Taking responsibility for your life means believing in yourself to some degree.

But if you want to really make a difference, you have to keep your self-efficacy in check. That belief better be grounded in reality. If it’s not, you’re going to get knocked off your high horse fairly quickly.

It’s about humility but believing in yourself. It’s about being courageous but not being stupid. At the end of the day, if you don’t believe in yourself, who will?

The quarantine classroom

Here’s the understatement of the year: quarantine has changed a lot. It’s kept most of us at home, sparing essential trips, walks around the block, and, for the brave, runs across the township. For many, the greatest change has been the quarantine classroom.

I am the brave, and I just finished my first ever 30 mile week. The transition from sprinter to distance runner has been smooth so far. I enjoy it. My sanity needs the fresh air and open space.

Most collegiate distance runners I know don’t listen to music while running. I never cared for it, either. But since I’m not driving, my podcast consumption has plummeted. When I’m not feeding my psyche with positivity and new perspectives I tend to get stuck.

So now I run and listen to podcasts or audiobooks. Right now I’m listening to the great Zig Ziglar’s Secrets to Closing the Sale. Zig turns a narrow Douglass Township road into an open classroom discussion. His stories teach me more than most of my classes, and his wisdom makes me look differently at the people I run past.

The world can be your quarantine classroom if you want it to be. If you want it to be. If you want it to be…

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The approval trap

Becoming the person you want to be requires awareness. It’s helpful to know where you get your strength and what motivates you, but exposing your shadows is necessary. One of my shadows is seeking other people’s approval. I call it the approval trap.

I have these heroes I look up to, people like Gary Vaynerchuck and Aubrey Marcus and Seth Godin and Paul Chek and Elliott Hulse and Nahko and In-Q. Recently I’ve found myself reaching out to these people, seeking their approval for my life. Their approval feels like oxygen, like they’re what’s keeping my alive when I’m otherwise drowning.

And I’ve been noticed. Aubrey answered one of my questions on a podcast, with a response that took 45 minutes (here’s my post about it). Paul Chek answered my DM. Elliott sent me an autograph and recently responded to my comment. Just this week, Gary shouted out my comment in Tea with Gary Vee.

These moments make me feel excited and noticed. But that’s because I’ve been seeking their approval. I want them to tell me how great I’m doing with their advice and how loyal I am to them. I want their validation because it makes me feel whole. And worthy.

But it’s a trap and I know it. I don’t need their approval to live my best life. Having them notice me may get me through the day, but it’s never enduring satisfaction. It’s not fulfilling.

What’s fulfilling is moving towards my dreams of making a positive change in the world. I feel whole when I share a meal with my family or squeeze my girlfriend’s hand on a walk. Lasting happiness for me is when my will and God’s will are united in a cosmic tango and love is moving through me.

When my head hits the pillow and I know I did my best, that’s what matters. Not what my heroes say or don’t say to me.

The approval trap is alluring but empty. It can play out in many aspects of your life. If you don’t want to get caught, pay attention to the shadow behind your back.