If There Is Love

Citizen Cope is an underrated artist. He makes more than music–he makes feelings. His song If There Is Love was stuck in my head today. The chorus goes like this: “If there is love, I just want to have something to do with it.”

Today’s homily was about love, too. Our parish priest (and my friend) Fr. Francesco was explaining God’s love. We are imperfect and we mess up. It’s hard for us to love God or others, but God loves us anyways. Unconditionally.

That’s a powerful message, but I keep thinking the Church is missing something when it comes to love. The two main commandments are to love God and love your neighbor. But what about loving yourself?

People think self love is narcissistic and selfish. That’s not true. When you love yourself, truly and deeply and unconditionally, it’s all you need. Your love becomes self-fulfilling; in no time, if your love is overflowing, you have no choice but to share it with others. That includes God.

If you love others without loving yourself, your love will run dry. You can’t sustain it, or at least I never could. Loving yourself is the key to loving others. Period.

Lately I’ve been thinking about this a lot. I’m thinking my life’s mission may have to do with spreading this message far and wide: Love Yourself First, then Love Others. If there is love within you, love will flow from you.

Don’t Forget to Love Yourself

Imagine how different the world would be if Jesus said “Love your neighbor AND yourself” instead of “Love your neighbor as yourself.”

Jesus never told us to love ourselves, so many people don’t. Actually, most people hate themselves because of this omission—they are their own worst enemy, greatest adversary, and staunchest critic. They will never be good enough for themselves. They are hard on themselves to the point of self-destruction, and their inner world is full of hateful, degrading comments. And then those who say they love themselves are the most nihilistic of them all, refusing to believe any ideology but their own. They confuse self-love with a shadowing of their own reality; they cover up failures with narcissistic claims of blind acceptance and self-infatuation. They don’t really love themselves because they don’t really know themselves. All they know is a lie, and all they love is their ego’s status in the world.

To love yourself means to love yourself. Truly and deeply. To look yourself in the mirror and see your flaws, to stare into the depth of your soul and recognize your shortcomings and then to love yourself anyways. If you don’t learn how to love yourself, how on earth can you love another with the proper attention they deserve? How could you possibly share love with another if you haven’t planted and harvested any love of your own? Why did Jesus miss this?

Or maybe he didn’t. Maybe we have to read in between the lines. Perhaps, even, between two perpendicular lines. Lines with love between them.

Maybe.

Wisdom Book: January 10, 2020

For those who missed last week’s post: Basically, my Wisdom Book is where I write down a list of things I learned that past week each Friday.  I then flesh out the list to really get to the core of what I learned. This list is what I use to record my weekly podcast episode of It’s All Mahalo with Camille, my girlfriend. Here’s my list for what I learned this week.

January 10, 2020

Light Shines in the Darkness…

And darkness has not overcome it.  Fr. Ruff, whom I work with on campus to produce his podcast, Ruffly Speaking, says that this one verse in the beginning of John all but sums up the entire New Testament.  Light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not overcome it.  At mass this past Sunday, Fr. Francesco said that light isn’t important, but the service the light provides is important: to show us what’s right in front of us.  To show us the truth of who we are.  Aubrey Marcus opened my eyes to see that if God was a color, God would probably be black because black contains all colors.  So if light, which is Jesus, shines in the darkness, we can see God, who is Truth.  I’ve started to appreciate light a little more.

How to Love Myself

Aubrey Marcus Podcast #239 How to Practice Self Love with Kamal Ravikantwas one of the most meaningful and practical podcasts I’ve ever heard.  During the episode, Kamal shared wisdom he gained from embarking on a journey of loving himself after a difficult stretch in his life.  He came up with a formula which he shared during this podcast and in his recent re-released book, Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends on It. I’ve been listening to this book and am blown away at every chapter.  It’s worth the purchase.  I’m going to begin implementing the following practice into my daily rituals.

Basically, there’s four steps to living yourself:

  1. 10 Breath Mental Loop: Say “I love Myself” on the inhale and exhale whatever comes, be it good or bad.  Do this whenever you remember.  Say “I love Myself” throughout the day as many times as possible.  Soon, you’ll begin to remember it’s actually true.
  2. Meditate: choose a song, preferably a piece of instrumental music.  Sit in a quiet place and do the mental loop while listening to the song.  Do this every day.  You will subconsciously begin identifying loving yourself with that song, and it will become an anchor for your meditation practice.
  3. Mirror: Stand in front of the mirror and stare at yourself while repeating the mental loop. Look into your eyes (it helps to focus on one).  Know what it looks like when you’re loving other people by beginning with loving yourself. Do this for 5 minutes.
  4. One Question: when in a moment of distress or before an important decision, ask yourself the following question: “If I loved myself truly and deeply, would I let myself experience this?”  Another rendition is: “If I loved myself, what would I do?”  The key here is the “if” – it allows for possibilities and opportunities instead of regret and shame.

Buy a Stock Pot

I’ve been making bone broth (chicken stock) for a few years now.  Camille and I eat chicken legs and then freeze the bones.  To make bone broth, you need chicken bones and a while chicken, along with some veggies.  In the past I’ve had to use two separate pots to make all the bone broth. That was tedious and more expensive. So I decided to buy a real stock pot – a 16 quart stock pot.  It wasn’t too expensive ($25) but the purchase was justified because of the use I’ll get out of it in my life.  I’m going to put a lot of miles (or quarts) on that stock pot.  And I can’t wait for it.  I’ll make a purchase if it will bring me joy for a long time.  That’s the commitment I decided to make to myself this year.

Back to the Basics

When embarking on a journey towards better health and more vibrant wellness, you must remember to keep things simple.

If the basics are not the cornerstone of your endeavor, you’ll soon find yourself overwhelmed. When things are too complicated and you can’t commit to all the changes you held yourself too, you’ll feel defeated. You’ll stop progress altogether because if you’re not all in you’re not getting the most benefit, right? Instead, your complicated plan shortly becomes too much to bear and you remain the same, still holding that extra 20 pounds, still gasping for breath after going up the stairs.

Let me take a moment to remind you of the basics, the bare necessities of living a healthy, balanced life. This doesn’t include a food scale or calorie counting, and there’s no need for a fancy fitness program.

The Basics:

  • Eat plants and animals
  • Avoid processed foods
  • Cook your own meals
  • Eat until you feel full
  • Pack your lunch
  • Find healthy snacks that don’t have too many simple sugars
  • Drink filtered water
  • Steer clear of sugar-sweetened beverages
  • Don’t have caffeine past 2pm
  • Move your body every day
  • Go for a walk
  • Run, lift weights, or go to a yoga class if you want to
  • Get 7-9 hours of sleep each night, depending on your own needs
  • Limit your screen time, especially at night
  • Take deep breaths
  • Spend time with your loved ones
  • Spend time with yourself
  • Allow yourself to laugh
  • If you slip up, forgive yourself and get back on track

If you implement these lifestyle practices, things will start to change. You’ll feel more energized and less lethargic. You’ll need less coffee and have more time to spend with your loved ones. Once you start, the momentum will keep you going. That cupcake you have in celebration of a good week won’t feel like a defeat but a victory. Small victories will compound and you’ll soon be miles ahead of where you started

It’s all about balance. If 80% of the things you do are healthy and 20% aren’t the best for you, you’re living a pretty balanced, enjoyable life. Forgive yourself if you slip up and move forward with a grateful heart. This is all about learning and growing.

I’m telling you, if you get back to the basics, things will change.

Musical Medicine

Last night Camille and I went to experience Nahko and Medicine for the People at Union Transfer. This wasn’t a concert but an an encounter with healing medicine, medicine not just capable of healing the world but ourselves. We’ve been Nahko fans since about May, right when two people very close to me transitioned. Nahko’s musical medicine helped me gain perspective in a challenging time, turning my focus towards love instead of loss.

We were in the front as Nahko & MFTP played their battle cries of peace, unity, and unwavering love for mankind. Together we proclaimed “Aloha” and “Mahalo” so all of Philly could hear us. We were building bridges between races and cultures, between belief systems and waking consciousness. We were encouraged to advocate for our common home and support our brothers and sisters trying to protect it, like the people of Hawaii trying to save the sacred Mauna Kea. Together, we can make a change. Together, we will make a change.

There was one potent moment last night that changed me for good. After a long build up, Nahko was singing, “What a Beautiful Life,” over and over. I raised my hands, closed my eyes, and began to cry. My heart was beating out of my chest and I was filled with God. I felt the full embrace of my body and my soul. I became One with all that is, and I’ve never been happier. I’ve felt this before, but it’s always a fleeting moment. These few experiences are the best moments of my life.

My physiology professor and whoever else says “the heart is just a pump” have clearly never had an experience like this. The heart is what connects our conscious soul and our earthly experience. It’s home to the soul, the dwelling place of our very being. It’s where the Kingdom of God is—right here and within us. Nahko and Medicine for the People helped me remember that again.

To all who made last night so magical and healing, Mahalo. We are in this together. You will be in my heart forever.