Oatmeal & Eggs

Of late, my favorite breakfast currently is steel cut oatmeal with three sunny-side up eggs. Steel cut, sunny-side up. I call it savory oatmeal, but a lot of people call it strange. For one who’s never tried it, combining two breakfast staples like this seems odd, even appalling. I get it—I was one of those people once. But I tried it, and that changed everything.

I’m trying to think back to the first time I dropped the perfectly cooked sunny-side up eggs into a bowl of pain oats and I can’t picture it. It’s astounding how alien it is the first time you perform a ritual. It doesn’t make sense to you or anybody else, but you’ve heard it works. So you go for it, all the way. Oatmeal in eggs. Cold shower. Sandals with jeans. Freedom from fear of judgment, openness to a new way of living.

This is a new way of living: being open to new experiences, having our souls be free to explore this world free from shackles of false beliefs. Today can be the first day for you, the first day of a new ritual or lifestyle. All you need is a will stronger than your desire for permanence.

How Not to Worry

Before I give away my secrets, I need you to know that I’ve had a lot of stressful, worrisome situations in the first 22 years of my life. I’ve worked in a fast paced restaurant and endured 14 hour days working on the golf course. I’ve studied hours for Organic Chemistry exams and submitted more papers one minute before their deadlines than I can count. I race other human beings around a track and have felt the pressure of wanting to perform well for my team, my coach, and myself. I started a business as a full time student-athlete-RA-tutor-catechist while still doing my best to make time for my girlfriend and family.

Stress, pressure, existential crises, nervous breakdowns, deep sadness…I’ve felt it all. I’ve lived it. But now things are different. When a challenge or obstacle is in my way, I remind myself of two things that help me reframe my situation and put things in perspective.

Here’s my 1 – 2 punch for stopping worry before it enters my being:

  1. Remember how much you’ve accomplished. You’ve made it through a lot to get here. You can handle this. You got this.
  2. You’re going to die. One day, you stop breathing and your days as a human being will be over. Whatever you’re up against surely counts, but doesn’t matter. This life is too short to be take so seriously.

There’s one final step, but it’s less of a mindset shift and more of a practicality. It’s to write down everything you have to do, prioritize what must be done first, and then execute. This helps me every time, no matter the situation. Worry turns into initiative and you can begin chipping away at the obstacles, winning small victories along the way. Action beats anxiety.

But that’s it. That’s the whole story. It’s about self confidence—you will accomplish the tasks at hand because you always accomplish the tasks at hand. And it’s about not taking this life too seriously. After all, we should be enjoying our existence, not dreading it.

Today I had to wake up at 5:30 am to lift. Today I was set to squat more than I’ve ever squatted before across 5 sets. I did it. Then I had to study for 2 hours before a test I didn’t yet study for. I studied, took the test, and aced it (hopefully). Then I had to study an hour for another test I didn’t prepare for. I studied. I did well. Then I had to go on a long run. I decided to go with the distance crowd for 7.5 miles. I did it. And I didn’t worry for a second.

This method doesn’t remove stressful situations. You will still have things to worry about, but it’s your decision to worry or to take meaningful action to accomplish your mission. I hope this perspective helps you choose the latter.

My Future Self

From January to July of this year, I wore a man bun. I kept the sides short and the top long because I wanted to, not because it was functional, easy to manage, or looked good. I wanted to. Long ago I vowed to not pay any attention to other people’s opinions. This is my life and I’m going to live it how I want, whether that means growing a man bun or doing yoga in the grass. My life and my terms.

I cut off my bun in July—I was ready for a change. Now, when I look back at pictures during my man-bun phase, I can’t believe how stupid I looked. The bun was pretty weak and I took way to long in between touch-ups. I looked silly and out of place, confused by whether I wanted to have long hair or be an athlete. Next time I grow my hair out, I’ll grow all of it out, not just the top.

But this has me thinking: I know I don’t care about other’s opinions, but when my future self casts judgement and blame, why do I listen? Who am I, really, if I’m constantly changing? Is my future self myself or is that another person, drastically and unequivocally different from who I am right now? If we’re serious about not caring about what other’s think, should that include ourselves, too?

Maybe we can learn from ourselves without judging ourselves. Maybe we can look at our past selves and love the person who became who you are right now. Maybe we can recognize that our future selves will want to look with distain on who you are now, but we are the one who can stop the judgement in its tracks.

Radical self love, now and in days to come. Learning from my past without judging it. Being who I am while loving who I was. This is what I want to be.

Are you Irreplaceable?

So tonight I’m presenting in my Perspectives in Leadership class. My classmate and I were asked to “enhance a discussion” on Trait Theory. This leadership theory says that effective leaders possess similar characteristics, such as intelligence, determination, self-confidence, and integrity. Makes sense. Trait Theory has its flaws, too. One flaw is that good leadership is always developed.

All things considered, we will be talking about being irreplaceable. Like the Beyoncé song. Here’s some guiding questions:

If good leaders have innate qualities, are they considered irreplaceable? Should they be irreplaceable? If a good leader dies and nobody replaces him or her, were they really a good leader? Or is leadership something more profound, something less ego-driven, something that ought to be replicated, replaced, and modeled?

If Bill Belichick died tomorrow, would the Patriots be dominated?

If LeBron couldn’t play on the Lakers, what would the team look like?

If Serena Williams disappeared, what would happen to Women’s Tennis?

Here is my theory: Good leaders are replaceable. They work to set up systems to ensure organizational success and they spend time developing their followers into leaders. Their loss should not be the death of their company.

But this theory is temporal. It doesn’t mean you should strive to be replaced. It means quite the opposite. You should be irreplaceable by becoming a leader and building up those around you; then you may be replaced.

It’s a team approach, an ego-less pursuit. It’s something I will be struggling with my whole life.

I am uniquely irreplaceable. That is why I must be replaced.

Go to a Concert

If you’re struggling, in a funk, or out of ideas, go to a concert headlining a band you’ve never heard of. You will be around people you’re not used to and hear the battle cries of a tribe you don’t belong to. Music will sound new and fresh. Rhymes will feel like daggers in your chest. You’ll see dance moves you never knew were possible.

And maybe, just maybe, you’ll see yourself in these strangers—you, just living a different life. You might experience a feeling of unity and oneness. This will be worth the price of admission.

You have only to take a risk and the opportunity to grow will present itself.

Everything is Sacred

A four year old kissed his mother on the lips during mass yesterday. It was during the most sacred part, the consecration. I’ve been going to mass every weekend since I was a baby. The Catholic Church has been my home and I’ve come to believe what it teaches—generally. This was one of the most profound experiences I’ve witnessed in Church.

It made me rethink what we hold sacred and what we value. Why is a tree more important than a church pew? Why do we think God is present at church but not in the kitchen? Maybe doing the dishes is as sacred as mass if we allow it to be. I don’t know. I happen to think being aware of the craftsmanship of God means God is present.

Some people call it *finding God in all things*. I just want to treat more things like they matter. I want today to be sacred even if it doesn’t feel like it. I want to believe that every single feature of this world is an opportunity to witness the divine, the God is us and in all.