Nothing Matters, Everything Counts

One of the Jesuits on campus, Father Dennis McNally, says this all the time. Nothing Matters. Everything Counts. He’s been saying it for years. I think I’ve just recently begun to know what it means.

Nothing Matters, because God will still love you. No matter what you do or don’t do, you will still come from love and return back to love. God will love you regardless of your shortcomings, failures, or egocentric pursuits.

Everything Counts, because every choice we make either moves us towards God or away from God. When we pass over to the other side, we will get to look back at every moment of our lives. We will recognized how our choices helped us know God better or worse. Everything we do and encounter will count for how much we loved God back.

Nothing Matters. Everything Counts.

Maybe one day this will make sense.

God doesn’t change

I’m in a course titled “Philosophy of God in Aquinas.” We are working through the Summa Contra Gentiles, supposedly written to be a handbook for Catholic missionaries. Slowly but surely, we’re dissecting Aquinas’ claims about the existence of God and, now, the qualities of God. The past few classes, we’ve been talking about the eternality of God.

Eternality is a difficult concept. It doesn’t mean everlasting, which is to have no beginning and no end. And it doesn’t mean atemporal—to exist outside of time. Rather, to be eternal means to have life and experience the fullness of reality at every moment, or something like that. Because each moment is a full expression of existence, there would be no such notion of past or present. Only now. And if there is only now in existence, there can be no change in that being, for change requires time. Therefore, God does not change.

If you didn’t understand that, don’t sweat it. Neither do I.

But let’s pretend for a second we understand that God exists, is eternal, and doesn’t change. If God doesn’t change, then why the hell do we ask God for stuff? Petitionary prayer is old as dirt, and sometimes miracles happen seemingly as a result of specific prayers. But if God won’t change God’s mind, what do the prayers really do? Do they do anything?

Aquinas argues yes, they do matter. They matter because God has always known what you’re going to pray for. God always aligned reality in such a way that your choice to freely pray and petition may change your earthly future. God has, therefore, already designed different worlds—or is currently designing different worlds?—where you get what you ask for and you don’t get what you ask for. Your asking may just make the difference.

I don’t know what I just typed. It doesn’t make much sense yet, but one day it might. I know that I shouldn’t stop praying anytime soon.

Grateful for Another Day

I’ve been feeling a bit down recently. Sometimes it’s death that gets me down and sometimes it’s just small waves of inexplicable sadness. When it happens, I try to make time to be with myself instead of distracting myself like usual. Today I went to the park before mass.

After really thinking about my life, I made a list of the person I want to be and what that person would do. There’s a famous Matthew McConaughey speech where he says his hero is himself in ten years. I feel that. After making my list, I looked it over and realized how blessed I am to even have this life to worry about.

In that moment, I was grateful. I wrote down a list of 10 things I am most grateful for. 4 of those things had to do with the sacredness within myself and in those around me. I find that if I turn to gratitude in a time of distress, I’m less likely to be upset. It’s always a good answer.