Stop worrying

When successful people are asked what advice they’d give their 20 year old selves, they usually say something like, “Stop worrying so much. It all works out in the end.”

That’s nice. But how do you stop worrying?

What if worrying fundamentally changes who I am and what I do in the world? What if worrying was the only thing that made me successful? If these successful people gave their younger selves this advice, would they still have been successful?

I want it to all work out, but I don’t know how to stop worrying.

“Don’t worry”

Saying this never helps. It’s like saying, “don’t drown,” to a drowning person. At least, that’s what it feels like.

There’s a lot of variations. Somebody might quote the bible or tell a story about their friend. Though they come from care, they’re mostly insufficient.

Here’s my $0.02: don’t tell people to stop worrying. Instead, let them worry. Be by there side as they worry, and soon they will realize that worrying doesn’t help much.

If you get frustrated at somebody who says, “don’t worry,” have empathy for them. They want to help, but they didn’t know any better. They’re not a professional lifeguard; they’re doing their best, just like you.

Patience. Presence. Forgiveness. Empathy. Compassion. Repeat. We’re all doing our best to heal.

Anyone can cook

Disney Pixar’s Ratatouille is one of the best stories of our generation. It’s a story about possibility and pushing the boundaries of what is acceptable, what is normal. In the movie, the great Gusteau’s famous saying was, “Anyone can cook!” This is powerful.

Anyone can cook. My grandmother has always said, “if you can read, you can cook!” But Gusteau simplifies it further. Anyone. No hidden knowledge, no impressive resume, and no prior experience. All one needs is the willingness to create and the courage to learn along the journey.

If a humble rat can cook high French cuisine, then maybe I can do something remarkable with my life, too. But Remy never dreamed of making a difference. All he did was follow his curious nose, a nose which lead him on a path towards unconventional excellence.

I’m going to take a page from Remy’s book: be curious, and don’t worry about what’s to come. Just get obsessed with learning and creating. The rest will work itself out.

How Not to Worry

Before I give away my secrets, I need you to know that I’ve had a lot of stressful, worrisome situations in the first 22 years of my life. I’ve worked in a fast paced restaurant and endured 14 hour days working on the golf course. I’ve studied hours for Organic Chemistry exams and submitted more papers one minute before their deadlines than I can count. I race other human beings around a track and have felt the pressure of wanting to perform well for my team, my coach, and myself. I started a business as a full time student-athlete-RA-tutor-catechist while still doing my best to make time for my girlfriend and family.

Stress, pressure, existential crises, nervous breakdowns, deep sadness…I’ve felt it all. I’ve lived it. But now things are different. When a challenge or obstacle is in my way, I remind myself of two things that help me reframe my situation and put things in perspective.

Here’s my 1 – 2 punch for stopping worry before it enters my being:

  1. Remember how much you’ve accomplished. You’ve made it through a lot to get here. You can handle this. You got this.
  2. You’re going to die. One day, you stop breathing and your days as a human being will be over. Whatever you’re up against surely counts, but doesn’t matter. This life is too short to be take so seriously.

There’s one final step, but it’s less of a mindset shift and more of a practicality. It’s to write down everything you have to do, prioritize what must be done first, and then execute. This helps me every time, no matter the situation. Worry turns into initiative and you can begin chipping away at the obstacles, winning small victories along the way. Action beats anxiety.

But that’s it. That’s the whole story. It’s about self confidence—you will accomplish the tasks at hand because you always accomplish the tasks at hand. And it’s about not taking this life too seriously. After all, we should be enjoying our existence, not dreading it.

Today I had to wake up at 5:30 am to lift. Today I was set to squat more than I’ve ever squatted before across 5 sets. I did it. Then I had to study for 2 hours before a test I didn’t yet study for. I studied, took the test, and aced it (hopefully). Then I had to study an hour for another test I didn’t prepare for. I studied. I did well. Then I had to go on a long run. I decided to go with the distance crowd for 7.5 miles. I did it. And I didn’t worry for a second.

This method doesn’t remove stressful situations. You will still have things to worry about, but it’s your decision to worry or to take meaningful action to accomplish your mission. I hope this perspective helps you choose the latter.